Forty-something year old (OK, basically 50), divorced mother of two seeks 40-50-something year old divorced/widowed (how is that somehow now a credential?) man for long-term relationship.
How is it that I am still doing this? Again? And again and again? And how is it that my criteria for a relationship has been beaten down by disappointment to simply "a 40-50 something year old divorced/widowed man"?
This should not even be a thing at my age. I'm a beyond-middle-aged woman trying to do something that I wasn't even good at in my 20s when I was supposed to be doing it. I sucked at it then; I suck at it now. I'm exhausted, disappointed, and oh, so jaded.
I've gone back and forth trying to figure out why I haven't been in a relationship since 2013 or so - and that one was dysfunctional at best. And full disclosure here: I know I have had a tendency to spook like a wild horse if someone expresses TOO much interest in me too soon. That was a self-confidence thing on my part - kind of a "Oh, you just wait until you meet the real me, there, Big Guy. You've only just met my representative."
I'm better with that now, and maybe that's my demise. I've gone from morphing into whatever they seem to want to like to just keeping it real. I mean, I'm not going to curse like a sailor and tell my deepest, darkest issues on a first date, but I'm also not going to try to pretend I'm somebody I'm not. If I can present an authentic me on the first date and you dig it - and I dig you back? We might be on to something then.
But that situation is rare. What I'm finding these days is that men are - dare I say it - timid. Ambiguous. Wishy-washy. And I get it. Ninety percent of them "out there" are divorced, and if I believe everything they say, divorced from a "crazy bitch who did them wrong". They're "scared" to get into another relationship. They're "not sure" about this dating thing and how it all works.
But I get the sense that there's another thing they're thinking that they're not saying. It's the "I don't want to commit to you because what if someone better comes along" mentality. And I get this, too. You've been married. Tied down. In a relationship that toward the end had seen better days. You're in no hurry to settle down with one woman when there's a plethora of possibilities out there.
But I'll tell you now - there are and there aren't. Unless the answer to the question, "What kind of woman are you looking for" is "The kind with two legs and big boobs that loves sex and a lot of it", you have some standards. And if dating women is anything like dating men, you're going to find that over the course of time, those standards drop a bit, because you just aren't finding anyone that ticks off all your boxes.