Sunday, October 17, 2010

Googling God

I'm a big fan of the saying, "Everything happens for a reason." I've also started subscribing to the "God has a plan for you" mentality, though not without a fight.

The past few years of my life have been interesting, to say the least. There are friends whom I've had only for a short time that I say to apologetically, "My life isn't always this dramatic. Really. Just give me a little time to get it all sorted out." At least I thought that's how I was, until I looked back and realized that my life has been sort of a comedy of errors for nearly 44 years.

It's easy for me to sit here at this point and say, "Oh, that's OK". A couple of big dramas have finally played themselves out and God's plan has revealed itself just a wee bit more. Ironically, I remember saying to my mom, "I would never want to go through this past year again for anything." Her response, "Are you sure about that? Look at all you learned and how far you came. You really found out a lot about yourself and accomplished a lot as well."

You know, she's right. (She loves it when I say that.)

Every once in awhile, I'd look to the heavens and say, "God? I know you have a plan for me, but if you could just hurry up a little bit that would be great." It was exhausting, trying and trying while waiting for Him to reveal the next step for me.

Looking back, he did give me hints in small, subtle ways. The upsetting rejections of a few jobs led to a string of career circumstances that never would have happened without those depressing "Dear Applicant" letters. The frustration of not being able to find anyone to hear me about issues with my son led to assistance from an unlikely source and subsequent (cautious) rejoicing at some amazing progress. Finally letting some walls down and working through my bull-headedness with regards to a personal relationship has made my future look very, very bright.

When I would call my mom and cry to her that I just didn't know what to do, her response was, "Pray". Mom's a big prayer. I am not. I believe in God, attend church, and consider myself a Christian. But aside from the monotonous prayers I learned as a Catholic, I'm lost when it comes to prayer. So I did what any anal-retentive retired Catholic would do. I Googled prayer. And you know what? There's some good ones out there. And the more I read them, the more I realized that I don't have to say a prayer, that I can just talk to Him. Anytime. About anything. Which is cool. And obviously works.

But, as my mom reminded me, "Don't forget to thank Him." That's another task in itself. But I do know this much - I'll be in this position again. Needing help. Not knowing which way to turn. Feeling frustrated. Then I'll remember this past couple of years, and how He helped me through, even though at times I doubted He was on my side. Next time, I'll have more faith. And I'll try to stay more connected to him in good times, and in bad.

I'm not trying to be all preachy here, but this is my blog, and my story. So if there are any of my readers out there who have been in a bind and don't believe in Him, I can't imagine your plight. Feeling helpless while having NOTHING at all to turn to must be horrible.

Take five minutes to Google God - you may be surprised at how "at peace" you suddenly feel.

4 comments:

  1. Great post, Amy. I can relate to the struggles you've had. I have experienced divorce, career difficulties, and had a child with special needs. I often say that life is so difficult, I can't imagine going through it without God. I'm happy that things are looking up for you and I'll keep you in my prayers.

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  2. Completely awesome post, Ames. I totally feel the same way, and can't imagine going through this past year without God. I don't know if everything happens for a reason, or if I just need to create reasons for the crazy circumstances of my life, but either way, it ends up making sense.

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  3. "So if there are any of my readers out there who have been in a bind and don't believe in Him, I can't imagine your plight. Feeling helpless while having NOTHING at all to turn to must be horrible."

    As a non-believer, this one is kind of offensive. We have families and friends too, you know. There are things for us to turn to, and it's not any worse for us than it is for you. Just something to think about.

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  4. No offense intended, Jason. But there are many out there, including myself, that will attest to the fact that there's a Higher Power at work out there - something beyond what our friends and family can do. Just something to think about.

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