Sunday, December 5, 2010

5 Things I HATE

Nice, negative headline for the season that's supposed to be filled with such joy and good cheer, right?

Ho freakin' ho.

In my continued struggle to bring up my kids with what apparently seems to be Amish-ish (is that a word?), completely archaic and unrealistic abandon, I have compiled a list of things - no - EVIL THINGS that continuously push my button of "WTF!" (Believe me, if my Staples Easy button said, "WTF?" when I punched it, it'd get a lot more play around my house.)

So without further ado, here's my list.

1) Video games. HATE, HATE, HATE. I don't care if you can prove to me that they are beneficial for cognitive skills, fine motor skills, or bowhunting skills (insert Napoleon Dynamite reference here). Anything that has a warning that it could potentially cause SEIZURES, no matter that it induces my children into an electronic COMA, is the DEVIL to me.

2) PG-13 rated movies. Thank you, Motion Picture Association of America, for going to the trouble to separate the movies into G, PG, PG-13 and R. Some of the PG movies are fine, but who decided that lewd humor about farts and boobies and kids getting punched in the nuts is great cinematography? I know, I know. PARENTAL GUIDANCE. And don't get me started on PG-13. My son is 13, and after researching and/or viewing the selection of PG-13 movies out there, I may as well throw out my plans for that sex talk and just give him money for popcorn.

3) Commercials. I'm in advertising, so yes, I know they're necessary. But cripes, some of these commercials prey on kids like that creepy white van that circles your neighborhood. The action figures never perform the way they do on TV, the Nerf guns break when you try to do what the cool SWAT-team-looking dudes do with them in some dark alley on a Saturday night, and hello, Ironman? Why make a toy for ages 3 and up if your damn movie isn't supposed to be viewed by anyone under 13????

4) Candy at the checkout. Again, I get it. Advertising. Product placement. Yadda-yadda. But really, I don't know that there is a mom in America who doesn't wish for a no-candy checkout lane. Oh, and while we're at it, can we ditch the magazines featuring half-naked women having so-and-so's baby? Because my kids can read, and between the PG movies and the checkout lane, they'll clep out of that sex-ed class.

5) Guns. Real guns, toy guns, TV shows that feature guns, water guns, Nerf guns, sticks in the shape of guns, Lego guns... get the picture? Hate them. They make me sick to my stomach. I know kids will play with toy guns, and even if you forbid them in your home (which I did for a very long time), one day you will look over at your son eating lunch and he will have nibbled his Kraft American cheese slice into a Colt .45.

I could go on, but I feel as if I'm being a bit of a downer as we go full throttle into this wonderful season of good will and happy, happy, joy, joy. But my point is, you try to raise your kids according to what you think is best, but sometimes, no matter how hard you try and how good your intentions are, the world just continually sucker-punches you with all this negative crap, but in such overwhelming measure that it is suddenly accepted as "how it is these days".

Bulls#*t.

And if you don't agree with my list (as I'm sure many won't), don't be a hater. Just let me live in my own little world. They all like me here.

1 comment:

  1. Just think... before they had PG-13, those movies were PG. Just look at Goonies, Short Circuit, Explorers and a variety of other movies geared towards kids (Ok, Short Circuit might not have been geared towards children, but I remember watching it in Elementary school AT school). I don't think I realized the blessing of PG-13 until we started buying movies at Walmart for $5... and my kids started watching them.

    Goonies is one of my all time favorite movies... I was mortified the first time I watched it with my kids... PG?!?! Hahaha.

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