Thursday, October 13, 2011

Top 10 questions kids ask their parents... then and now

I like to tell stories to my kids about when I was a kid. Inevitably, it bites me in the ass later on when I hear myself responding to the same questions I asked my parents 31 years ago... but with very different answers now. I try to tell them it's such a different world today, but they just have no idea. Here's a compilation of the Top 10 questions my kids have asked me, and how they were answered "back then" versus now.

Q: Can I stay out after dark?
A (1980): Sure, as long as you tell me where you're going and you're home by 9:00.
A (2011): No, because I don't know where you are even though you have a phone that you don't answer and you're on your bike with no headlight and there are too many crazies out there after dark who might hit you/mug you/kidnap you.

Q: Can I spend the night at my friend's house?
A (1980): Sure, because you've been friends with this person since preschool and I'm best buds with the mom.
A (2011): No, because I've never met this kid's parents and I don't even know his last name. I don't know if they live in filth, if they smoke and drink, or if they have firearms in the house.

Q: Can I watch this TV program?
A (1980): Sure, but cover your eyes when Daisy Duke bends over.
A (2011): What can I do about it? All your friends watch it. Just see if the guy is wearing a condom when he has sex with that hooker.

Q: Can I type something on the computer?
A (1980): Sure, just let me turn it on and we'll let it boot up while I'm making dinner.
A (2011): Sure, but first let me disable the WiFi so you can't access porn on the Internet or click on something that's going to give me a computer virus.

Q: Can I have some money to get a soda at the game?
A (1980): Use your allowance money.
A (2011): What happened to the money I gave you last week? Did you spend it all on Red Bull and cigarettes?

Q: Why are you so strict?
A (1980): I'm not as strict as some moms. Some day you'll thank me.
A (2011): Because some moms aren't strict enough. Some day you'll thank me.

Q: Why can't I do it? Everyone else is doing it!
A (1980): If they jumped off a bridge, then would you?
A (2011): If they went to court for emancipation from their parents, then would you?

Q: Can I get a tattoo?
A (1980): No.
A (2011): Sure. That's actually the least of my worries. But the forked tongue and pierced eyebrow? No.

Q: Why do I need to get good grades?
A (1980): So you don't have to go to a community college and can get a scholarship to a good, 4-year school.
A (2011): So you can do two years at a community college then hopefully get a grant or scholarship to do your final two years at a state school and have better odds of getting a decent job even though by the time you get out in the workforce the unemployment rate will be well into the upper double digits.

Q: Why can't you just leave me alone?
A (1980): Because I'm your mother and I love you.
A (2011): Because I'm your mother and I love you.

















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