For the past week and a half, I've been kidless. I'm not used to that, and in the weeks leading up to my "alone time," I worried how I was going to fill the days.
That was pretty much answered for me, what with my mom's unexpected brain surgery less than four weeks ago, a job search that I've taken on like a bull charges a red cape, and a mountain of freelance work that's kept me busy every single minute of the day. As I prepare for my kids' return, filling the fridge, getting caught up on laundry and scheduling out our next months worth of who has to be where, it makes me think: what would my life be like without kids?
|See the watermark on this photo? |
Yeah, that's because it's not REAL.
Sometimes I'll hear of these people - couples or singles - who are jet setting all over the world, whether for vacation or for work. I listen to others tell me how they picked up and moved to some wonderful location just because they wanted to. Or they have some amazing hobby that either requires constant training, honing, and usually lots of money. My first question is, "Do they have kids?" Because damn. There's no way I could do that stuff with two minors living under my roof - especially as a single parent. I mean, I probably could, but I wouldn't exactly be receiving any Parent of the Year awards. But I'll admit - it makes me a tad envious.
|This would be me - thin, maybe blond |
and with bitchin' pink luggage.
|This may or may not have been me. |
But if it were, I'd be badass.
And I'd probably be looking at people like me like I look at the woman I just described. Wondering, what would it be like to have kids? What did I miss? Did I make the right decision?
That's the good thing. As much as I wonder "what would life have been like without kids," I never wonder if I made the right decision. My life may not have turned out the way I had planned (does anyone's?) but my kids are my constant. My grounding. My answer to any questions I have at the end of the day about why my life is the way it is.
I may not be the model parent. I certainly never wanted my kids to be children of divorce, and that label they carry will always haunt me. I may never have that high-paying, upper-level job in a career that I devote myself to 24/7 (when I'm not flying to some exotic vacation destination.) I may never see all the places I read about, or have all the exciting adventures that I could have had as a kidless person. But you know what? When I thumb through old pictures of my kiddos cradled in my arms, or sitting on my lap, or learning to walk, or getting on the bus for their first day of school or standing proud at their graduation ... or when I look at them now - watching their tall, lanky forms run out the front door with nary a "Bye, Mom," I have no regrets.
|THIS is me. Mom of two, beautiful boys.|
I may not ever have the wife title, but I'll always be "Mom." And for now, that's more than enough for me.